


Supernatural Commentfics

by mithrel



Series: Commentfics [1]
Category: Grimm (TV), Supernatural, Torchwood
Genre: Blanket Permission, Comment Fic, Gen, M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-14
Packaged: 2017-11-13 19:10:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 9,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My Supernatural commentfics</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, kittens.

Hunters don’t have pets. But Cas’ puppy-eyes are even better than Sam’s. Dean sighs and shoves the kitten off his lap.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, whistling.

Dean whistles idly one day when he’s packing the Impala and doesn’t think anything of it. Watching Castiel make faces for days afterward trying to do the same thing is hysterical.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer/Crowley, "You're forbidden to use the word darling from now on."

Lucifer glares. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why not?” Crowley drawls.

“I was the brightest of God’s angels, went to war, was cast down into Hell, broke out… to call me ‘darling’ after everything is demeaning!”

“Whatever you say, darling,” Crowley smirks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Gabriel, "Put it back the way it was."

Sam glares. “Put it back.”

“But it looks good that way!” Gabriel protests.

“Put. It. Back.”

“You know Dean’s always complaining–”

“Gabriel,” Sam says slowly, “Change it back or no sex until further notice!”

Gabriel sighs and lengthens Sam’s hair again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's choice, any/any, (Dean/Castiel) "I won't say I'm in love."

He doesn’t say it. Even after Cas kisses him, even after they’ve had sex. Even after they’ve been together for months, Dean doesn’t say _I love you._ It’s OK. He knows Cas knows that he’d die for him without a second thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer/Michael, after ages in the cage Michael finally breaks enough to let Lucifer touch him.

They haven’t looked at each other. Haven’t spoken to each other. Whenever Lucifer approaches him Michael’s wings flare out, a wordless warning. He still tries though; he has to. But finally, after forever, when Lucifer comes close Michael holds out a wing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Dean/Cas: staying up late to watch a meteor shower.

For tiptoe39

Dean drums his fingers on the hood of the Impala. Sam’s sprawled out– _carefully_ –next to him, and Cas–being Cas–is standing nearby. Meteor showers aren’t really his thing, but Sam had totally freaked out about a convergence, or a confluence, or a con-something that only happened once every point five squillion years, and Cas had started in about “One of God’s wonders,” so here he is, out in the middle of the desert, waiting for it to start.

He doesn’t really mind, though. He’s got Sam within touching distance, and he’s pretty sure he can coax Cas over before the show starts.

He forgets everything, though, once the first meteors start streaking across the sky. At first it’s just a couple, but soon the whole sky is filled with them. Cas looks as close to awed as Dean’s ever seen him. He gets up for a second, grabs Cas’ wrist and pulls him down next to them. The hood creaks, then settles.

He looks over at Sam, to see him with a look on his face he hasn’t seen since they set off those fireworks. Sam’s eyes flick to him, and he smiles quietly. “Make a wish, Dean.”

And maybe it’s the meteors, or the look in Sam’s eyes, or the fact that Cas reaches out and takes his hand, but Dean smiles back. “Got my baby, got my angel, got my brother. Don’t need anything else.”

Sam’s smile widens into a grin, and Dean’s distracted from the sky by his kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Lucifer, PWP/fluff, 'When we get out...'

“This is all your fault!”

Lucifer sighed. “Need I remind you that it’s you and your brother who insist on doing asinine things like charging into empty houses?”

Sam scowled at him. “I figured we’d be fine, what with an _archangel_ backing us up!”

“Under protest. I’m only here as an alternative to being dead. And how was I to know the house had Enochian sigils on it to keep angels in once they crossed the threshold?”

“And the closet, too. Don’t forget the closet.”

“You were the one who thought we should check it,” Lucifer pointed out.

“Goddamn you!”

Lucifer smirked. “Too late.”

Sam growled under his breath. Dean was out there without backup while he was stuck in a closet with a sarcastic former archangel. There was some sort of spell on the door that kept them from getting close to it and Sam’s disastrous attempt at shooting through it (during which Lucifer advised him it wasn’t a good idea) had resulted in them cowering away from the ricochets.

And Lucifer was just _standing_ there, as if he could wait forever (which he probably could), the bastard.

Wanting to do _something_ to rattle Lucifer out of his perpetual calm, Sam grabbed his shirt and shook him. Lucifer let himself be shaken, with a patient look of almost-contempt on his face.

Sam threw him against the wall. “Why the hell are you so calm all the time?!”

“I find it serves me better than pointless histrionics,” Lucifer replied imperturbably.

“Isn’t there _anything_ that gets under your skin?”

“After two thousand years in Hell, no.”

Sam was no longer thinking about Dean being pursued by the Kuang Shi. He was focused on Lucifer now, making him angry, surprised, confused, _something._

Words obviously wouldn’t do it, and neither would violence. But there had to be some way he could rattle him.

He couldn’t think of anything, so he just kept doing what he’d been doing. Lucifer was in the corner, looking at him with those eyes that showed nothing. Sam grabbed hold of his shirt again. Lucifer blinked at him as if to say “Yes?”

Sam noticed for the first time that Lucifer’s skin was cold. He’d told them that, he’d frosted up a window for God’s sake, but Sam had never really registered until now. It was weird for someone to be that cold and not shivering.

Lucifer was still looking at him, and Sam realized that he’d just been standing there holding his shirt.

He turned away and pounded on the closet door, for lack of anything else to do. Dean was out there, and even though he had Cas, Sam was pissed that he was stuck in here.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Sam. What do you want from me?”

Sam sighed. “I don’t know! You’re just so…” _Inhuman,_ he didn’t say, but Lucifer picked up on it anyway.

“You want me to be angry?”

“Angry, scared, surprised, something! Do you have any feelings at all?”

Lucifer actually flinched at that, and Sam had a moment to regret saying it, when Lucifer put a hand on his cheek and Sam was the one to flinch.

“When we get out, I’ll show you.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wingfic/wing grooming w/ Gabriel/Castiel.

Gabriel looks at Castiel’s wings and tsks. “Just because you got kicked out is no reason to let yourself go.”

Castiel bristles. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

Gabriel gestures as if it should be obvious. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself. You’re a mess, bro.”

“And what about you?” Castiel demands, more annoyed at the familiarity that the criticism. “You’ve been gone longer than I have. What do your wings look like?”

Since Gabriel’s an archangel, he’s able to conceal his wings from those of lesser power, like Castiel. And he’s somehow learned to disguise his entire presence in the millennium-plus he’s been hiding, leaving Castiel unable to even sense his Grace. Gabriel, of course, has no trouble seeing Castiel’s own wings.

Gabriel snorts and lets his wings become visible. Golden, immense, and impeccably groomed.

“How do you reach the back?” Castiel blurts without thinking.

Gabriel smirks. “What, you think I just conjure scantily-clad women up for sex?”

Castiel presses his lips together at the reminder of just how low his brother has sunk.

“Now c’mon, we need to take care of those before they get any worse. I’m surprised you can even fly.”

Castiel sighs and lets his wings become tangible as a sign of his reluctant acquiescence. He’s privately ashamed of the condition his wings are in, but he can’t adequately groom them himself, and certainly no other angel is going to do it for him.

Gabriel sighs as he runs a hand over the leading edge of Castiel’s left wing. Once sleek and glossy black, the feathers are now dirty, draggled and broken.

Castiel tenses at the touch. Grooming is an act of immense trust, and, change of heart or no, he can’t forget what Gabriel did to him the first time they met.

“Relax, bro.” Gabriel’s voice has gone soft, like he’s gentling an animal. “I’m just trying to help.”

Gabriel bends to his task, straightening crooked feathers and gently removing the broken ones. It takes a long time–his wings really are in disgraceful shape–but Gabriel is surprisingly patient. Castiel finds himself falling into an almost trancelike state. It’s been so long since he’s had his wings groomed that he’d forgotten how relaxing it is.

Gabriel moves to the other wing, after giving the feathers a final smooth. Castiel hisses as Gabriel jostles a blood feather. Gabriel soothes the sting with a touch of his Grace, and Castiel relaxes again.

He doesn’t know how much later it is when Gabriel moves from where he’s crouched behind him. “All done.”

Castiel stands up and stretches his wings, not feeling the pull of matted feathers he’d almost ceased to notice.

He turns to Gabriel with a severe look and crosses his arms. “You should not be misusing your powers–”

Gabriel opens his mouth to protest the ingratitude of a lecture after he did Castiel a favor.

“–so if your wings require grooming, I will attend to it.”

Gabriel closes his mouth, then grimaces in mock-protest. “Well, _fine,_ if you’re going to go all sanctimonious on me.”

Castiel carefully hides his smile.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPN, Castiel/Dean, the words that make Dean realize Cas is still alive in there.

“Touch him and you all die.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPN; Gabriel/Sam; Sam wears glasses to read.

Gabriel gets tired of Sam squinting.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPN; Gabriel/Sam, house plant sitting.

He'll just magic them alive again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPN; Gabriel/Sam, You did not just do that...

Sam stares speechlessly at the ceiling.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPN; Dean/Castiel, He didn't mean it like that.

He loves everyone when he's drunk.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam meets Jack Harkness.

It was the first day of his algebra class that Sam first noticed him. For one thing, he was a lot older than the typical college freshman. Not that that was unusual, but he stuck out. Like he didn’t fit. Maybe it was the fact that he wore an old-style peacoat, maybe it was something about the way his emotions never showed in his eyes, but Sam kept sneaking glances at him throughout the class.

At the end of the first week, the guy stopped him on his way out. “Hey!”

Sam turned around, instincts still sharp despite a semester living a “normal” life. “Yeah?”

The guy grinned at him, easy, charming.

False.

“You got another class after this one?”

“Not for another hour, why?”

He shrugged. “You want to get something to eat?”

“OK,” Sam said, his mind reflexively running through the list of things this guy could be.

“I’m Jack Harkness,” the guy said, smiling again and holding out a hand.

“Sam. Sam Winchester.” His instincts screaming again, that he shouldn’t let this guy–whatever he was–know his real name, Sam shook hands.

His handshake was firm, but not crushing, and when he pulled away he trailed his fingers over Sam’s palm.

“So, is this your first semester here?” Jack asked, as they headed out of the math building.

“I started last fall,” Sam said. “How about you?”

Jack shrugged. “This is my first semester. I’ve done a lot of things, I figured I might as well get a degree to go along with it.”

Sam nodded. That made sense, and it explained his age. Still didn’t mean he wasn’t a monster.

“Of course, most of the math classes are easy for me. I could have tested out entirely, but then I’d miss the chance to play tutor.” The grin again.

“I don’t need a tutor. I’ve always gotten good grades in math.”

Jack looked at him. “Yeah, I bet you have. But you’re not the classic geek, though.”

Sam tensed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You have muscle, for one thing.” Jack gestured around. “You keep an eye on everything around you without seeming to. And I bet you can hold your own in a fight.”

“Is that a threat?” Sam snarled.

Jack held up his hands. “Trigger-happy. Definitely not a geek.”

“What are you?” The question was out before he could stop it, and Sam cursed inwardly. So much for his instincts still being sharp.

Jack, though, only quirked an eyebrow at him. “I’m human.”

“OK, yeah, most people would be confused by that question. You’re not.”

Jack sighed. “Come with me.”

Sam felt for his knife, making sure he could get to it. He’d have felt more comfortable with a gun, but he was staying here for more than a few weeks, and if anyone saw it he’d be expelled.

They ended up in a secluded corner of the quad, and as Jack leaned lazily against a low wall, Sam growled, “Talk.”

Jack paused a minute, then said, “Like I said, I’m human, not whatever you’re thinking.” He looked at Sam curiously. “What were you thinking, anyway?”

“Demon. Shifter. Not sure yet.”

Jack, surprisingly, laughed. “Entirely the wrong track.”

“What’s the right track?” Sam asked, reaching for his knife again.

“That I’m human, just not from around here. And that won’t do you any good.”

Sam flushed, but obstinately kept his hand on his knife. Jack shook his head. “Have it your way.”

“So where are you from?”

“Originally? The Boeshane Peninsula.”

“Never heard of it.”

Jack stretched lazily. “You wouldn’t have. It’s on another planet.”

Sam gaped at him, but found himself believing him. Jack sounded crazy, but Sam knew how to spot a con, and while Jack had a definite air of the con-man about him, he didn’t seem to be lying now.

“What about you? It’s not everybody who mentions demons when they first meet someone.”

“I’m…” Sam corrected himself. “I _was_ a hunter.”

“A demon hunter?”

Sam shrugged. “Demons, ghosts, werewolves, you name it.”

“But not anymore?”

Sam sighed. “I’m trying not to be. Apparently it’s a hard habit to kick.”

Jack laughed, and clapped him on the shoulder. “Well, good luck with that, Van Helsing. See you in class.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy/Dean H/c

Dean coughed, wincing as it rasped in his sore throat. Jimmy was immediately at his side with a cup of cold water.

“It’s your day off.” Dean forced the words past his tortured larynx. “You shouldn’t–”

“Shh,” Jimmy said, offering him another drink. “Spring break is this whole week.”

“But–”

Jimmy silenced him with a kiss. Dean quit trying to dissuade him, even though he felt bad. As a philosophy professor, Jimmy had a ton to do even when he wasn’t actually working. Dean’s job as a contractor was much simpler.

“Do you need anything? Soup? Movie? Pillow?”

Dean shook his head, but shifted over in the bed. Jimmy smiled, toed off his shoes and lay down next to him. Dean sighed as Jimmy settled next to him, and leaned over to press a kiss into his hair. He’d left it soft today, not putting in the gel or whatever shit he did when he had to work. He was also dressed in too-long jeans rolled up to keep them from tripping him, and an ISU sweatshirt. Dean put his head on Jimmy’s shoulder and coughed again, then growled.

“You should be better in a few days,” Jimmy soothed him.

“Strep throat sucks,” Dean managed.

“Just remember, if I catch it, you have to take care of me.”

Dean laughed, not coughing this time. “Gladly.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> any (Dean) & Sam/Lucifer, a part of Sam's Heaven includes the cage

They’re back in Heaven again. They’re not on the run from angels this time, at least, but the place gives Dean the creeps. Not to mention, the last time they were here did serious damage to their relationship.

Still, he thinks he’s seen the worst of Sam’s Heaven. But last time Sam hadn’t been in Hell.

At first Dean has to wonder why the hell (no pun intended) they’re here. It shouldn’t even be _possible_. Having Hell in Heaven is like mixing beer and soda.

He turns his face away, since he can’t stand to see Sam being tortured. Then he hears Sam say “You’re only torturing me because you don’t know how to do anything else.”

He whips his head around, incredulous, to see Lucifer flinch back as if Sam had hit him. “That’s not true!”

Sam sneers at him. “Prove it.”

And before Dean can say anything, tell Sammy it’s a bad idea to taunt the devil, Lucifer lunges forward and grabs hold of Sam’s hair.

But he doesn’t hit him, or throw him across the cage. For a moment Dean thinks Lucifer’s going to bite him, since he brings his face close to Sam’s, but then he’s _kissing_ him.

The kiss is savage; it might as well be a bite. Dean stares, more shocked than when he realized being in Hell was one of Sam’s happiest memories, because Sam is _kissing back._

He turns and runs. He doesn’t know what he’s running from, but that’s not important. He just needs to get away.

When they’re back in their latest shitty motel room, Sam says in a small voice, “It…wasn’t always like that.”

“Wasn’t like what, Sam?” Dean rasps. “You being tortured, or playing tonsil-hockey with Satan?”

“Dean–“

“No, Sam! I knew he tortured you, but I didn’t know he r-“ he stops, unable to get the word out.

“Dean, no, it wasn’t like that!” Sam repeats.

“It sure as hell looked like it!”

“He–got better. I taught him.”

And the thought of Sam teaching Lucifer anything, much less that, turns his stomach. “You know what, whatever.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Castiel, birthday

When Castiel opens the door, Dean is sprawled on the couch, watching TV.

“What are you doing? Is this any way to spend your birthday?”

“’M not celebrating birthdays anymore,” Dean mumbles.

Castiel snorts. “Just because you’re turning thirty–”

“I’m _old!_ ” Dean all-but-wails.

Castiel gives him a stern look. “I’m thirty-five. If you’re old, what does that make me?”

Dean does a fish impression for a moment, but can’t think of a reply.

Castiel nods, having made his point. “Come on.”

“But Caaas!” Dean whines, sounding more like a three-year-old than a thirty-year-old.

Castiel ignores his whining and drags him out of the house.

***

Dean follows him reluctantly to the park, still sulking. _One of the advantages of living in California,_ Castiel muses, _picnics in January._

He’d left Sam there a half hour earlier, and he’s got the blanket spread out and the food arranged on it.

Dean gives him a black look, “Sam–”

“Hey, don’t look at me,” Sam says, holding up his hands. “It was his idea!”

Dean turns his glare on Castiel. “You were brooding,” he says. “You’re insufferable when you’re brooding.”

Sam snickers, but looks studiedly innocent when Dean looks at him.

Castiel shoves him down on the blanket, and takes a seat next to him.

He and Sam brought most of Dean’s favorites: burgers, fried chicken (homemade, not the “greasy drivethru crap”), corn on the cob, and, of course, pie in lieu of birthday cake.

No ice cream, because it would have melted, and no beer, since Dean’s a morose drunk. But they do have soda, and after stuffing his face for a few minutes, Dean admits that “this isn’t so bad.”

“So where are my presents?” he demands, as he finishes off his second slice of pie.

“I thought you weren’t having a birthday this year?” Sam asks.

Dean growls at him. “You two are apparently forcing me into it, and part of birthdays is presents, so gimme!”

Castiel laughs as Sam hands Dean his present.

Dean’s face falls a little when he sees the simple envelope, but then he opens it.

“Dude!”

“It’s from both of us,” Castiel says.

“Yeah, we had to pool our salary for the next year,” Sam says, making what Dean calls his “bitchface.”

Dean ignores that, or maybe he doesn’t hear him, too busy having raptures over the two AC/DC tickets.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Castiel, the baby won’t stop crying

Dean tries yet again to get Mary to stop crying. Stupid colic. He’s tried everything–walking up and down the stairs, running the vacuum and washing machine (he needed to clean anyway), singing to her–nothing works.

And her crying is putting Bobby on edge, which puts him further on edge. “ _Daddy!_ ” he whines. “Make it stop!”

If only it was that easy. He wishes Cas were here, since he’s always able to calm the kids down, but he’s at work, and how Dean was the one to become Mr. Mom he doesn’t know.

So he takes Bobby into the living room, puts on Thomas the Tank Engine and goes back to trying to get Mary quiet. She’s gotta be exhausted by now; she missed her nap in the afternoon.

Mary whimpers at him, and he rubs her back. “I know, sweetheart, I know.”

A half hour later Cas gets back and raises an eyebrow at the vacuum in the middle of the hall, the music from the kitchen radio, the sound of the TV coming from the living room and Dean standing in the middle of it all trying to soothe his crying daughter.

He doesn’t say anything, just takes Mary from Dean and whispers to her, and, wonder of wonders, the crying stops. Dean feels his blood pressure go down about five points. Cas goes to Mary’s room and returns a moment later empty-handed, turns off the radio, puts the vacuum away and only then turns to Dean.

“Rough day?”

“You have no idea!”

Cas smiles slightly and kisses him. “I’ll take care of dinner. Something tells me Mary’s not the only one to need a nap.”

Marveling again at the fact that he’d somehow ended up with this despite everything, he smiles back at Cas. “Have I mentioned how awesome you are?”

Cas only chuckles. “Not today.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally dies for the last time. Castiel is there for him.

Castiel knows this time is different. He knows better than anyone how the Winchesters tend to rise from the dead, but looking down at Dean’s broken body, surrounded by monsters, Sam slumped next to him, begging him not to die, there’s a sense of a life having run its course.

They don’t see him, not yet, but he’s there, standing off the Reapers with a mute contention that This one’s mine.

And, before Dean takes his last ragged breath, he makes himself visible to them.

Dean tries to rasp out his name, but chokes on his own blood. Sam looks up at him, his face covered in tear-stains. “Heal him!” It’s half-plea, half-command, but Castiel shakes his head.

“Not this time, Sam,” he says gently. He takes a closer look at Dean. To most people, he would seem appallingly young to die, his life cut brutally short. But he’s over forty, and he’s in the top percentile for hunters.

Sam shoots him a look of betrayal, then lets out a ragged breath and nods. “Take care of him?” he says, so softly a human wouldn’t hear it.

Castiel puts a hand on his shoulder. “You know I will.”

Dean’s breath hitches in his lungs; spreads out, a long, final exhalation, Sam stifles a cry and Castiel reaches down to gather Dean’s soul, his pure, blood-stained, guilt-ridden soul, into his arms.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel at the dog park.

Cas dragged him to the dog park. Dean doesn’t know why. They don’t even _have_ a dog. Isn’t that kind of like visiting a playground when you don’t have any kids?

Not that most of these are “dogs” anyway. Cats, maybe, or possibly rats. Nothing that can fit in a purse or goes “yip” instead of “woof” is a dog in Dean’s book.

Anyway, most of them are running around like crazy, biting, growling, splashing in the plastic wading pools set out.

One of them has taken a liking to Dean, putting its feet on his knees and licking his face, then, when he shoves it off, flopping down on his foot.

He looks over at Cas. The bastard is _smirking_ , damn him. And he’s got a rat in his lap.

The wooly mammoth finally moves off his foot to chase another dog, and Dean breathes a sigh of relief.

His relief is short lived, however, since both dogs bound into one of the pools, then the black one comes back to tell his new friend how wet he is.

“Fuck!” Dean says as he’s showered with water, then looks nervously around to see if there are any kids in hearing distance. None, thank goodness.

“Why did you bring me here, again?” he asks Cas, who just smiles.

“Pets are therapeutic.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer/Michael, Some say the world will end in fire / Some say in ice.

Fire is powerful, violent, deadly. It sweeps across the plains, leaving nothing behind but ash. It consumes fragile dwellings, mocking all the efforts of those who attempt to stop it.

But ice…ice is the true medium of ruin, of destruction. The ice of being alone, cut off from the song of the Host. The ice of his beloved casting him down.

The ice that grows in his heart whenever he thinks of him, to keep the fire of rage from incinerating everything that he was, everything that he had become.

The fire of rage that turns to the ice of hatred, and the determination to destroy them all, angels and humans alike.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel harassed by telemarketers.

His cell phone rang. Thinking that it might be the Winchesters, he picked it up.

“This is an urgent message regarding your current credit card account. There is no problem currently with your account–”

He groaned and hung up the phone. When Sam got him a cell phone to help him keep in touch (stupid sigils) he hadn’t expected to get any calls except from him or Dean.

But no. Somehow the telemarketers had gotten hold of his number. Not just the credit card companies either. So far he’d won a sweepstakes, been called (repeatedly) by someone who wanted to give him new flooring, and been solicited by various charities and political candidated.

It was pissing him off. And the one time he’d turned off his phone in disgust had been the time Cas and the Wonder Duo had gotten in over their heads and needed his help. Dean’s yelling at him hadn’t made his temper any better.

So now he’s going to get even. He leaves the charities alone (he’s not _that_ much of a bastard, after all) but arranges for every political candidate to be caught in a highly embarrassing and public scandal (sexting interns, leaving inappropriate comments on social media, accruing suspect charges in their campaign accounts…)

Every credit card company that calls him finds itself mysteriously in need of funds and having to scramble to cover the difference. The sweepstakes people (who were just phishing for info) have their identities stolen.

And as for the guy who couldn’t take a hint…

Gabriel makes sure all the floors he puts in are done wrong, so he has to reinstall them, at his own expense.

Twice.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> teacher!Cas

Dean comes home to see Cas bent over his desk, a huge stack of papers to his left. A substantially smaller pile with grades circled at the top is on his right.

He’s bent practically double, and Dean feels his own back twinge in sympathy. He wonders how long Cas has been grading papers.

It’s not easy, dating a teacher, particularly during midterms. Sometimes he has to save Cas from himself.

Dean comes out behind him and puts his hands on his shoulders. Cas gasps in surprise and flinches, then, as Dean digs his fingers in, he makes a small noise and flexes his shoulders slightly. “You’re home.”

“Yeah, I’m home,” Dean says, continuing to unknot Cas’ shoulders. “How long have you been sitting there?”

“What time is it?” Cas asks absently, turning a page.

Dean snorts. “That’s it! I _know_ you haven’t eaten in hours.”

“It’s fine–” Cas starts, just as his stomach growls.

Dean growls too, and hauls him up. “Get your coat. We’re going out to dinner.”

“But–” Cas protests, shooting a glance at the ungraded papers.

“But nothing! You need food to deal with those hooligans.”

Cas sighs. “They’re high-school students, Dean,” he says, for the thousandth time.

“Same thing,” Dean replies, like he always does.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Gabriel, lottery: 'You cheated!'

Sam’s not really paying attention to anything but his research when Gabriel gets up and says, “Guess I’d better turn this in.”

Sam looks up to see him brandishing a slip of paper. “What’s that?”

Gabriel grins. “My winning lottery ticket.”

“Your–” Sam starts that sentence again. “You did not win the lottery!”

“Sure I did, see?” and Gabriel snaps up a newspaper with the winning lottery numbers.

After scrutinizing the ticket for a moment, Sam drawls, “Right. You just happened to win the lottery.”

Gabriel looks offended. “Just what are you insinuating?”

“I’m not insinuating anything. I’m saying you cheated!”

“I did not! I had nothing to do with the fact that the jackpot numbers were on my ticket!”

“Uh-huh. What do you need money for anyway? You can just snap up anything you want.”

“I figure you two could use the cash. Save some poor sap from getting his credit ruined.”

Sam stares at him for a second. “You fixed the lottery…so you could give us the money?”

“What?” Gabriel demands. “I’m not allowed to be nice?”

Sam shakes his head. It’s a step in the right direction at least.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Castiel cuddle!fic.

Dean poked his nose out from under the covers and shivered. Their heater wasn’t working. He’d called the repairman, and they’d “have someone out as soon as possible,” but in the middle of winter he wasn’t holding his breath.

At least they were snowed in, so he didn’t have to get up. They had plenty of firewood, and the stove and oven still worked, so they weren’t freezing to death, but he still didn’t want to get up if he didn’t have to.

“Y’r lettin’ th’ warm air out,” Cas mumbled against him, and Dean lay back down. Another good reason not to get out of bed.

Dean yawned as he snuggled up next to Cas–he wasn’t cuddling, he was conserving body heat–and drifted back to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley asks Sam to take care of his favorite Hellhound for a short time. Sam comes to really like the beast so Crowley lets him have it.

“What do you _mean_ you want me to watch your Hellhound for two weeks?” Sam shrieks.

Crowley shrugs, looking as if his request is perfectly normal. Maybe it is, for him. “I need a vacation. Don’t want to have to spend all my time feeding and cleaning up after him.”

“Cleaning…Crowley, I can’t even see the thing!”

“Oh, is that all?” He makes a lazy gesture with his hand, and Sam stifles another shriek as he sees the smoking black behemoth with the glaring red eyes sitting next to the demon.

“Dean’s gonna freak!”

“If you’re discreet, _Dean_ won’t even know he’s here.”

“You said I have to feed him? What…does he eat?”

“Oh nothing much, virgin every week or two…” Sam’s horror must have shown on his face, since Crowley sighs and continues, “Or, failing that, corn flakes soaked in blood every day.”

Sam stares at him incredulously.

“Oh, come on, it doesn’t have to be _human_ blood! God knows that shouldn’t be a problem for you!”

“Fine!” Sam huffs, cautiously holding out a hand to the beast. There’s a rumble like the Earth just burped, and Crowley murmurs, “If you’re fond of that hand I’d suggest you take it back.”

Sam hastily snatches his hand away from the Hellhound, whose quite impressive teeth are bared.

“Do I need to walk him, or…”

“Nah, just let him out for a half hour or so.”

“Right, and be responsible for God-knows-how-many murders.”

“Hellhounds only kill people whose deals are up!” Crowley protests.

“What about the virgins?” Sam shoots back.

“Fine, but if you keep him indoors he’s going to destroy things. Get him a chew toy.”

Sam closes his eyes at the thought of a Hellhound with a squeaky bone. “Chew toy?”

“He likes fluffy ones.”

The squeaky bone is replaced by a bleeding rabbit. “Fluffy ones?”

Crowley nods. “Pet supply stores should have something.”

Sam groans.

***

Sam picks up some Corn Flakes at Circle K, and Crowley was right, he had no trouble getting access to blood. What was difficult was keeping Dean from noticing the bowl on the floor. He does his best to put it down right as they leave (with Dean for a roommate, an empty bowl on the floor is the least of the mess.)

The chew toy is harder. He makes an excuse and slips off to PetsMart to get something. Most of the fluffy chew toys squeak, quack or moo, but he finally grabs a stuffed burger, pays the exorbitant price, digs out the squeaker and leaves it under his bed for the Hellhound (whose name he still doesn’t know, assuming it even has one).

At first he barely notices the Hellhound is there…then it decides to sleep on his bed, which first keeps him awake, then gives him nightmares.

After a few days he gets used to waking up to see red light cast on the wall from the thing’s eyes, then he actually starts having _fewer_ nightmares, which makes no sense.

Dean doesn’t notice anything wrong, and all too soon two weeks are up and Crowley’s back from his vacation.

“Was he any trouble?”

“No,” Sam says, absently reaching down to stroke the Hellhound’s head.

“You like him, don’t you?” Crowley says.

“What? No! I mean, he’s handy to have around on a hunt and all, but…” he trails off as the Hellhound starts growling.

“They can tell when you lie,” Crowley says offhandedly, and Sam glares at the Hellhound.

“Alright, fine, I like him! Happy now?”

Crowley looks torn for a moment, then says, “How would you like to have him around…on a permanent basis, as it were?”

“What? You’re _giving_ him to me?!”

“I’ll have full visitation rights, of course,” Crowley says smoothly, but behind the suavity he seems uncertain.

“No, I mean…he does come in handy on a hunt, like I said, but…I mean, he’s yours!”

“Call it joint-custody, then,” Crowley says, and Sam’s afraid to ask if he’s joking.

“What’s his name?”

Crowley grins, sudden and feral. “Mephisto.”

Sam groans.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean & Sam, the boys rate some fictional vampires on how easy/hard they would be to take down

“Buffy?” Sam asks.

Dean snorts. “Three. They might put up a fight, but all you have to do is stake ‘em. Underworld?”

Sam wrinkles his nose. It’s been awhile since he saw that movie. “Seven. They’re pretty badass.” To pay Dean back, he says, “Moonlight.”

“Dude, you know I don’t watch your geeky shows!” At Sam’s pointed look, he grumbles, “Nine. You can burn ‘em, which is less than I can say for our vamps. Van Helsing?”

“Ten.” At Dean’s skeptical look, Sam reminds him, “They can _fly_?”

Dean nods.

“Dresden Files?” Sam continues.

“Dude, which ones? There are three kinds, remember?”

Sam smirks. For all Dean claims to avoid “geeky” things, he’d been hooked by Harry’s snark in less than one chapter. “Red Court.”

Dean thinks. “Six. They’ve got that drugged spit.”

“Narcotic saliva, Dean.”

“Like I said, drugged spit.”

Sam snorts, but doesn’t continue the argument.

“Twilight,” Dean says after a moment, grimacing as if the word leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

“Point five,” they chorus.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween ficlet.

Of _course_ Halloween would be Gabriel’s favorite holiday. Tricks and candy, not to mention the disguises…Sam would be shocked if he didn’t love it.

However, opening the motel room door to find it teeming with black cats, bats swooping from the ceiling, spiders industriously making cobwebs in the corners, makes him less inclined to be understanding.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Cas, firsts.

Cas didn’t eat. And, fine, he didn’t _need_ to eat, but if the only reason to eat was because you needed to, they might as well all be hooked up to tubes.

He’d offered Cas various things to try–burgers, pizza, soda–and they’d all been politely but resolutely declined. The guy had no sense of adventure.

But when they stopped at a diner advertising peanut butter pie, he decided right then and there that Cas was going to try some.

After the meal, Dean ordered a slice, and when it came it wasn’t a _slice_ , so much as a _slab_. He looked at it for a moment: pure perfection, chilled peanut butter filling covered with whipped cream, then dug in with gusto while Sam rolled his eyes and Cas ignored it him, as he usually did when he was eating.

And if he let out a groan on the first bite, it was _not_ his fault. The pie was obviously made from scratch, and he hadn’t had peanut butter pie in years.

Sam’s eye roll changed to Bitchface Number Thirteen, _Dean’s making pornographic noises at his food again, shoot me now._ Dean ignored him, turning to Cas. “Dude, you should try this!”

“I do not require sustenance,” Cas said stiffly.

“There’s no sustenance in that, Cas,” Sam put in, and now it’s Bitchface Number Twenty, _That shit will give you a heart attack_.

“Nonetheless–” Cas started, but Dean didn’t give him a chance to finish. He popped a forkful of pie into Cas’ open mouth.

His eyes bugged out slightly, and for a moment Dean thought he was going to spit it out, but instead he chewed, swallowed, and _licked his freakin’ lips_. Dean tried not to stare.

“So?” he asked, grinning, and Cas just shook his head.

“Did you like it?” Sam elaborated, and it was a moment before Cas answered.

“I’m…not certain.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously, but he seemed entirely earnest. He handed Cas his fork, and he gingerly took a second bite, much smaller than the one Dean had given him.

After a long moment, he nodded. “I believe this is agreeable.”

Dean snorted, then flagged the waitress over to order another piece of the pie.

***

That night, Cas showed up unexpectedly. Dean tensed, ready for trouble, but Cas just said, “Thank you.”

Before Dean could ask _For what?_ Cas leaned down and, holyshit, _kissed_ him full on the mouth.

Dean flailed for a moment, then pulled away. “What the hell, Cas?” he hissed, shooting a glance at Sam, asleep in the next bed.

“I wanted to thank you for sharing your pie with me.”

And the whole thing was bizarre, but it was _good_ bizarre, which was unusual in their lives. So he thought, _Fuck it,_ and pulled Cas down on the bed for another kiss.

His mouth tasted like peanut butter.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys celebrate a birthday.

Dean looked at the date on one of the online articles he was reading and turned to Sam. “Cas’ birthday is coming up.”

Sam gave him an odd look, and Cas, sitting at the table nearby, said, “I don’t have a birthday, Dean. I was created before time began.”

Dean waved that off. “September eighteenth, dude. That’s when you first took a body. Close enough.”

“You’re not really thinking of celebrating Cas’ birthday, are you?” Sam asked, his voice exasperated but amusement in his eyes.

“Why not? You ever had a birthday party, Cas?”

Dean had the impression Cas was rolling his eyes without actually doing it. “No, Dean.”

“Dean, most of the time we don’t have birthday parties.”

He ignored that too.

***

On the eighteenth, Cas showed up, looking dubious. He’d said he didn’t need a birthday paty, but Dean had insisted.

The first thing Dean did was hand him a paper party hat.

“What do I do with this?” Cas asked, pulling the string out and watching it snap back.

“You wear it, dude.”

Cas looked at Sam uncertainly.

“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to,” Sam said, glaring at Dean.

Cas shrugged slightly. “If it is traditional,” and put on the hat.

Dean took the apple pie they’d bought out of the box and put a birthday candle on it, slightly off-center because, like most pies, it had a hole in the middle, and lit it with a flick of his lighter. Sam had argued that they should have cake, but he’d put his foot down.

They sang “Happy Birthday,” horrendously off-key, while Cas listened politely.

“Make a wish, Cas,” Dean said when they were done.

Cas cocked his head at him curiously.

“It’s a tradition,” Sam explained. “After people sing Happy Birthday you make a wish and blow out the candles.”

“But don’t tell anyone what it is,” Dean continued. “Otherwise it won’t come true.”

Cas gave another minute shrug and blew the candle out. It was a good thing there was only one, since he didn’t know how to do it properly, and it was more of a _whoof_ of air in the general direction of the candle than anything else.

Dean dug some vanilla ice cream out of a cooler, cut the pie and distributed it.

They chewed in silence for awhile, then Dean said, “You know, Cas, on your birthday you usually get presents, but well, we didn’t know what to get you…”

Cas looked from Dean to Sam, then over at the demolished pie. “I don’t require anything else.”

Dean knew this time it wasn’t a protest.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Cas, awkward phone sex.

“What are you wearing?”

“The same thing I always wear, Dean. You know this.”

Dean smacks his face, stifling a groan. Whose brilliant idea was it to teach the angel to have phone sex? Oh, that’s right, _his._ “Cas…”

“I don’t understand the point of this exercise, Dean.”

Dean sighs. “What would you do with me if you were here?”

“You wish me to describe it?”

" _Yes!_ ”

“Why?”

Dean gives up.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Cas, _hot_ phone sex.

“What are you wearing?”

“The same thing I always wear, Dean. You know this.”

Dean smacks his face, stifling a groan. Whose brilliant idea was it to teach the angel to have phone sex? Oh, that’s right, _his_. “Cas…”

“I don’t understand the point of this exercise, Dean.”

And maybe that’s the problem. Dean settles back on the bed. “OK. Like, if it were me I’d say how I wished you were here because we haven’t had sex in forever and my own hand just isn’t the same. I’d say I wanna see you with your hair mussed from my fingers running through it and your lips swollen because I’ve been kissing you so much. I’d say I wanna press you down and fuck you into the mattress…”

He’s cut off by Cas appearing in front of him. “Then do it,” he growls, tossing the phone across the room.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Gabriel, blanket.

Dude," Dean complained, attempting to yank the blanket back from Gabriel, "Quit hogging the covers!" The blankets didn't move and when Dean tugged harder he heard a ripping sound and stopped. "You don't even need blankets, why do you always hog them?"

"They're soft," Gabriel responded, as if that explained everything. Dean sighed and resigned himself to being cold all night.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Gabriel, feeding the ducks.

"Why did you bring me here again?" Sam asked Gabriel.

"Oh, c'mon, Sammy," Gabriel drawled from the edge of the pond. "You've never fed ducks before, have you?"

Sam stared at him. "Why would I want to do that?" Gabriel gave a long-suffering sigh and tossed more bread-crumbs to the ducklings. "Because it's fun?"

Sam sighed and took the piece of bread Gabriel handed him, shredding it and tossing the crumbs to the ducklings, who shook their heads as they went after them.

It was kind of fun, but he'd never admit it.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean/Cas, sensory deprivation.

This should freak him out, having no clue what’s going on. Cas moves like a cat, and with the blindfold on Dean can’t see where he is or what he’s doing.

It should freak him out, but it doesn’t. Makes him nervous, sure, but they’re anticipatory nerves, rather than _OhfuckI’mindeepshit_ nerves.

He never knows if Cas is going to kiss him, or lick his neck, or stroke his cock or what. And he’s strangely fine with that. Since it’s Cas. And it’s not like he’s tied up. He can take the blindfold off if he wants to. He just doesn’t want to.

Still, when Cas decides to stop sucking him off and disappears somewhere he whimpers.

But Cas is back a moment later, a slick finger pushing into him. Dean arches into the touch, and Cas adds another finger, stretching him out.

In a few moments the fingers are gone, and there’s blunt, hot pressure, and rapid breath in his ear. Dean shoves back and pulls Cas down for a kiss.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Free Will, cards.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Uno? C’mon, that’s a kid’s game! Why can’t we play poker?”

“Because Cas can’t figure out the hands,” Sam repeated for the third time. “And unless you prefer Go Fish…”

Dean grumbled something about having millennia to study, and how it wasn’t that hard, but he sat down next to Cas. “Who’s dealing?”

“I am,” Gabriel said, picking up the deck.

“Oh, hell no! You conjured up the cards, you’re probably already gonna cheat! Give it here!” Dean fanned the cards out on the table. They looked alright. Not that he could remember how many Skip or Reverse or whatever the hell else cards there were supposed to be.

“How many cards we get?” Dean asked, shuffling the pack.

“Seven,” Sam said.

“I don’t even wanna know how you know that,” Dean said, and dealt the cards. Well, more like “threw.” Then he slapped the rest down and flipped one over.

“Blue six.”

“You go first, Cas,” Sam said.

Cas studied his hand for a moment and laid down a blue three.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, tiara.

There were lights shining in his face. He squinted around as an announcer boomed, “And the 2005 Miss America title goes to…Miss Kansas!”

There’s thunderous applause as Dean looks down at himself in horror to see he’s wearing a sparkly blue dress and heels. “ _There she is, Miss America. There she is, your ideal…_ ” Dean nearly had a coronary as they put a sash and a tiara on him and shoved a bouquet of roses at him.

He woke up in a cold sweat.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Dean/Cas, trains.

“I can’t believe Verde Canyon Railroad is haunted,” Dean grumbles. Cas is sitting staring out the window, not paying any attention to him.

“Hey, at least we’re not stumbling around in the middle of a field at night,” Sam shoots back.

“It’s like a thousand degrees outside!”

Sam snorts. “The train’s _air conditioned_!”

“There is a hawk’s nest in that tree,” Cas says gravely, and Dean looks out the window in time to see a redtail swoop to land at the top of a snag.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Mary meet up in Heaven. Her reaction at how he raised Sam and Dean.

“Just what the hell did you think you were doing?”

John blinks. “M-Mary…?” The last thing he remembered he was helping Dean kill the yellow-eyed demon and now his dead wife is standing in front of him.

“Who else would it be? What the hell did you think you were doing?”

“What are you talking about? You’re _dead_!”

Mary rolls her eyes. “So? And in case you’ve forgotten, so are you!”

John goes cold at that. He is. He’s dead. Out of Hell, but…is he gonna turn into one of the things he hunted? “What are you doing here? Where are we?”

Mary sighs. “Heaven, apparently.”

“ _Heaven?_ ” That’s impossible, he doesn’t believe in Heaven.

“Yes, Heaven. And just what the hell did you think you were doing, raising Sam and Dean as hunters? Were you that obsessed with finding what killed me?”

“I had to!”

“Oh no you didn’t! They thought they were cursed, wished they’d never been born! I did everything I could to keep the three of you out of that life and you throw yourself into it?”

“W-what? You were a hunter?” No, that’s…that’s impossible! Mary wasn’t a hunter, she couldn’t have been. Sure, she might have had the personality for it, but…

“ _Yes!_ And I gave it up to marry _you!_ I wanted my sons to have a normal life!”

“What do you mean they were cursed? What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you remember? When I was pregnant with Dean, my ‘cousins’ showed up?”

And, abruptly, he does remember. Sam and Dean showing up out of the blue one night. Finding his boss dead, with his eyes burned out. The fight, the safehouse. The conversation with Sam, his utter horror at the idea that someone would raise their kid like that. Letting Michael possess him, since he’d promised he’d save his wife, the lying bastard. “Why didn’t I remember before?”

“Michael wiped our memories. Something big is going down, John. I don’t know what, but I hope it works out, for your sake, and theirs. Because if anything happens to them, Heaven or not, I will make your life a living hell from here on in.”

John gulps. He has no doubt she means it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These came about because I was rereading the [MythAdventures](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MythAdventures) Series by Robert Asprin and thought SPN-crossover fics would be awesome. But it’s extremely obscure, so I thought I’d write it myself. But then I had no clue what to write, so ended up doing ficlets of various characters meeting.

Tanda:

Gabriel had greeted the newcomer enthusiastically, and Dean was leering at her, despite the fact that her skin and hair were green. She was now flirting impartially with both of them.

Sam and Cas looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

Gleep:

They stared.

“Is that what I think it is?” Sam whispered.

“I dunno,” Dean managed. “What do you think it is?”

“But there’s no such _thing_ as–”

“Don’t say it!”

“Gleep!”

Aahz:

As soon as the scaly green thing materialized, Sam and Dean sprang into action. They’d never seen a demon like this before, but it was clear that it _was_ a demon.

But shooting it with rock salt only seemed to piss it off, it looked offended when they threw holy water in its face, and iron had absolutely no effect.

“If you’re _quite_ finished?” it drawled sarcastically.

“What the hell are you?” Dean demanded.

It looked aggrieved. “I’m a demon, of course,” the unspoken _dolt_ clear in its tone.

“But holy water didn’t work on you!” Sam protested.

“Well it wouldn’t, would it?” the demon sneered. “Do I look like a Scrath to you?”

“What’s a Scrath?”

It clapped a scaly hand to its forehead. “If I wanted to deal with stupid questions I would have stayed on Klah!”

“On what?”

“Klah. It’s a dimension. Not much of one, but…anyway I said I was a demon, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Sam said slowly.

“Dimensional traveler! Stupid D-Hopper malfunctioned and I ended up on Zike!”

Sam gave Dean a _do-you-know-what-he’s-talking-about?_ look and received a shrug in response.

“Look,” the demon said in annoyance, “There’s a whole bunch of dimensions out there, more than you can travel in your lifetime. Dimensional travelers are called demons for short.”

“So you’re not from Hell?” Sam asked.

“Hell? Are you kidding? I’m from Perv.”

Sam sees the idea on Dean’s face, but is too late to stop him from saying, “Does that make you a Pervert?”

“That’s Per _vect!_ ” the demon snapped.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel, standing in the rain.

Humans would find it unpleasant, he knows, the cold water seeping through their clothing, the wind gusting at unpredictable intervals adding to their discomfort. But he finds it comforting.

He doesn’t feel the cold, and storms make him feel closer to creation, the wind and water, air and electricity all striving against each other, yet creating an odd sort of peace.

He looks up at the muted sky, the sun hidden behind smoky gray. A low rumble of thunder sounds in the distance, a reminder of God’s wrath.

He remains there, waiting, waiting for the promise that was given so long ago. And finally, the rain tapers off, the clouds part and the sun breaks through.

And there, spanning the horizon in all its glory, is the rainbow.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Gabriel fluff

Sam’s been even more moody than usual lately and it’s pissing Gabriel off. So he decides to do something about it. And, hey, everybody likes fluffy animals, right?

Sam first notices something odd when they’re heading into the motel room. There are baby ducks following him. But it’s not that strange, since there’s a pond right across from the parking lot, so he ignores it.

It’s harder to ignore the hedgehogs. Seriously. _Hedgehogs._ He almost steps on one when he gets out of the Impala. He picks it up carefully and sets it in a weedy patch, conscious that FBI agents don’t usually go out of their way to move hedgehogs out of the road.

It’s waiting at the door when they come out, and it’s brought a friend. Dean stares at the little prickly things, then says, “Dude, what the hell?”

Sam shrugs and takes out his EMF meter just in case. Nothing.

It continues like that for the next couple of weeks. Kittens in his bed. Rabbits lurking outside the diner he goes to. Fucking _platypuses in the shower._

Dean’s starting to salt the windows, and Sam finds himself looking over his shoulder, wondering what fuzzy stalkers are going to appear next.

It’s not until Gabriel appears, with an orangutan clinging to his chest, that Sam realizes who’s behind all this.

“It was you!”

Gabriel rolls his eyes. “Yes, Sasquatch it was me.”

“Why did you turn me into the Pied Piper of baby animals?” Sam demands angrily.

Gabriel heaves a sigh. “Because you were depressed. Baby animals are cute and fluffy and cheer you up.”

It’s Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. “Let me know next time, OK?”

“OK, officially letting you know,” Gabriel says, and shoves the orangutan at him.

Sam fumbles for a minute, but it gloms onto him, not falling, and he gets his hands under it.

Gabriel looks at Sam being hugged by an orangutan and nods. “Now don’t you feel better?”

“Shut up,” Sam mumbles.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monroe meets Cas.

He doesn’t know where the guy even came from. One minute he was helping Nick hunt down a Hasslich, the next minute these two guys pulled up in a black muscle car and started shooting them. It didn’t work, of course, and after he and Nick managed to pull their asses out of the fire, Nick almost arrested them for carrying weapons without a permit.

They were still in Marie’s trailer sorting things out. Apparently Grimms aren’t the only hunters out there. Monroe went home to play his cello, since the whole situation put him on edge.

There was a knock on the door about fifteen minutes after he got settled, and he opened it to see a guy in a trenchcoat and suit. He’s not a Wesen, at least as far as Monroe can tell, but there’s something not-quite-human about him.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for the Winchesters,” the guy says, like Monroe should know what the fuck he’s talking about.

“Sorry, who?”

“Sam and Dean Winchester,” the guy clarifies.

“Oh, _those_ Winchesters,” Monroe says sarcastically. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

“Can you help me locate them?”

Monroe blinks. “Uh…that was sarcasm, dude.”

The guy’s mouth parts in a silent _Ah._ “Then you do not know where they are?”

“I don’t even know _who_ they are. Or who you are, for that matter,” Monroe says pointedly.

“My name is Castiel.”

“OK, for future reference? A little supplementary info is a good thing.”

“The Winchesters drive an Impala. They were here looking for–”

Impala. “Wait, was it black?”

Castiel (or whatever the hell his name is) nods. “Yes.”

“They almost got themselves killed!” Monroe says before he thinks.

“Again?”

“Wait, _what?_ ”

“If you could tell me where they are–”

“They’re one step away from being arrested!”

The guy’s eyes widen fractionally, and he turns, stops, throws a “thank you” over his shoulder and disappears, leaving Monroe gaping.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Gabriel fluff.

Sam’s been even more moody than usual lately and it’s pissing Gabriel off. So he decides to do something about it. And, hey, everybody likes fluffy animals, right?

Sam first notices something odd when they’re heading into the motel room. There are baby ducks following him. But it’s not that strange, since there’s a pond right across from the parking lot, so he ignores it.

It’s harder to ignore the hedgehogs. Seriously. _Hedgehogs._ He almost steps on one when he gets out of the Impala. He picks it up carefully and sets it in a weedy patch, conscious that FBI agents don’t usually go out of their way to move hedgehogs out of the road.

It’s waiting at the door when they come out, and it’s brought a friend. Dean stares at the little prickly things, then says, “Dude, what the hell?”

Sam shrugs and takes out his EMF meter just in case. Nothing.

It continues like that for the next couple of weeks. Kittens in his bed. Rabbits lurking outside the diner he goes to. Fucking _platypuses in the shower._

Dean’s starting to salt the windows, and Sam finds himself looking over his shoulder, wondering what fuzzy stalkers are going to appear next.

It’s not until Gabriel appears, with an orangutan clinging to his chest, that Sam realizes who’s behind all this.

“It was you!”

Gabriel rolls his eyes. “Yes, Sasquatch it was me.”

“Why did you turn me into the Pied Piper of baby animals?” Sam demands angrily.

Gabriel heaves a sigh. “Because you were depressed. Baby animals are cute and fluffy and cheer you up.”

It’s Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. “Let me know next time, OK?”

“OK, officially letting you know,” Gabriel says, and shoves the orangutan at him.

Sam fumbles for a minute, but it gloms onto him, not falling, and he gets his hands under it.

Gabriel looks at Sam being hugged by an orangutan and nods. “Now don’t you feel better?”

“Shut up,” Sam mumbles.


End file.
